Three False Assumptions that Make You Quit (When You Are Not Supposed to Quit)
Courage is the refusal to quit—unless you are supposed to quit. Before listing the pros and cons of any decision, it is important to go back to the most basic question—what does God want you to do?
Sometimes you are supposed to quit. Courage doesn’t mean you always have to stay in one place. Paul of Tarsus didn’t stay in one place. People asked him to stay but he was called to leave. The same with Jesus of Nazareth. Staying in one place can’t become another idol. The ancient monks sometimes took a “vow of stability,” but stability isn’t God.
Some groups of psychologists talk about three false assumptions which hinder us. When we simply recognize these three assumptions, we see that they go counter to common sense. Yet these underlying expectations can make us quit when we are not supposed to quit:
Assumption #1: I must do well.
We do well at some things, but not all things. Where is it written that you must do well? Life is like learning how to swim. It is a process, and we don’t do it perfectly. Perfection is what some psychologists call a “fictional goal.” When the Bible talks about being perfect, it is not using a mathematical term. It is not about having no errors. Perfection in the Bible has more of a meaning of completion. We sometimes confuse the idea of a lack of “competence” with the idea of sin, and see ourselves as a failure in areas where we haven’t really failed.
“Though we stumble, we shall not fall headlong” (Psalm 37:24). There is a recognition in the Bible that we stumble. “The righteous person falls seven times and rises again…” (Proverbs 16:24). It’s not that we will never fall. Of course, competency in almost anything is a process.
Expecting that we will always do well goes counter to what we see in life. When we place that assumption on ourselves, we assume a tremendous amount of daily pressure. What if we don’t do well in something? When little things go wrong, we sometimes make each failure a huge deal. It is remarkable how we can “catastrophize” even the smallest of incidents—a misstep which brings a strange look or one negative comment from someone else.
Eventually the days can become filled with the dread of all the little things we must do when we will inevitably not be perfect at some of them. We can drift into a pattern of focusing on what we can’t do and don’t have, because we assume we must always do well.
The result of this false assumption is one thing—anxiety.
Assumption #2: People must treat me well.
This assumption obviously isn’t the case. In fact, according to the Bible, everyone is broken. Paul says that all have sinned and are falling (a continuous present term) short of the glory of God. Even in the church, there is still part of every one of us that needs to hear the gospel.
“It’s not what non-Christians do to me that upsets me, it’s what Christians have done that hurts so much.” This is a common statement—especially from people who feel called by God to work in the church—leaders, teachers, pastors, program initiators. People inevitably do or say bad things—it can hurt one’s feelings. People fail to understand each other. Things aren’t fair.
But in terms of common sense, where does it say that people, in the church or out of the church, must treat you well? This is a false assumption, but this assumption can destroy people’s lives and make them resentful. The “double curse” of being hurt is this—someone (or some group) hurts you, and they are so self-centered, they never think about it again. That is the first curse upon you—the curse of the hurtful action.
The second curse is the fact that you continue to carry it with you, review it constantly, nurture that hurt—it stays with you inside, like a poison. This grudging cynicism can become like a toxic liquid (Acts 8:23) or like a root inside of you (Hebrews 14:15).
The result of the second false assumption is one thing—bitterness.
Assumption #3: Life must be easy.
Well, life isn’t easy. “In the world, you will have tribulation” (John 16:33). The word for “tribulation” in this passage comes from the word for “press.” In other words, in the world you will have “press-ures.” And disappointments. “Many are the afflictions of the righteous,” the psalmist says (34:19). Where was it established that your calling would be easy? Pressures will come from different places, and work to weigh you down. What did you expect?
The Bible gives a lot of instruction in this area. “If you faint in the day of trouble, your strength is small” (Proverbs 16:10). From weight training to developing emotional resilience, people often talk about “desirable difficulty.” Even God refuses to coddle Job, who had plenty of heartbreaking circumstances. “Gird up your loins like a man,” God says (Job 38:3). In other words, “Put on your big boy pants (or for others, your big girl pants).” And simply accept in life that there is a lot you don’t know.
The result of the third false assumption is one thing—discouragement.
Anxiety, bitterness, discouragement—whew! The result of these wrong ways of thinking can weigh us down deeply. Their constant pressure becomes like a perpetual spiritual flu—draining us all the time. Our days eventually become insufferable, and this state makes it harder to know what we really need to do. So, we decide to quit, even when we are not supposed to quit.
The Bible says we are to “be led” by the Spirit (Romans 8:14). We are not to be led by circumstances or by false assumptions. It’s a matter of taking a hard look at our basic expectations—do those expectations really make sense? We sometimes quit something for the wrong reasons— “I did not do well, people were unfair, things are too tough—it all makes me so tired. I need to get out of here.” But the key question is this—has God told you to quit?
Have courage. Courage is the refusal to quit unless you are supposed to quit.
(For more reflections on this subject, read Taylor Field’s most recent book, Relentless: The Path to Holding On from New Hope Press)